So I’ve been cruising Pinterest the past hour. Reading motivational blogs and lists. The last one was interesting because there was a 24 year old that gave a list of twenty things to do to curve anxiety. She said that she tried medications but these 20 things curved her anxiety to the point that she doesn’t take anything.

I’m happy for her. But for me, it’s a condition that can be managed but I’m not sure about the self curing. I believe that people are led to their own cures through various channels. I tried the natural, holistic, non medication approach.

Let’s see. The year was 2010. I was depressed but refused to let myself feel that. I was determined to give myself every natural self healing tool there was. During that year prior to my nervous breakdown in the last part of 2010, I tried the following in various forms and commitments.

1. Became a qigong instructor

2. Took reiki classes

3. Read 25 self help and motivational books

4. Started my dream board

5. Tried a gluten free diet, raw food diet, juicing and all natural smoothies.

6. Started an inspirational blog

7. Meditated both at home daily and at a spiritual center 3 times a week.

8. Took psychic classes

9. Volunteered at farm to consumer co-op as their education director

10. Started my own business

11. Received acupuncture twice a month along with full body massages

12. Took hypnosis classes

13. Enrolled in a planetary herbology course where I traveled for week long retreats

And learned various natural remedies from cultures around the world.

14. Made my own teas, tinctures, and herbal pills.

15. Synced with the moon phases and dabbled in Wicca

16. Wrote daily in a gratitude journal.

17. Took relaxing baths by candlelight

18. Listened to nature sounds and took up bird watching

19. Created my own space where I could enter and no other energy was allowed.

This was all in the year prior to my mental breakdown where I was hospitalized for two weeks and I started receiving medication for bipolar 2, anxiety disorder and depression. So, I applaud people who can “do it alone”. But that wasn’t the real solution for me. I tried really hard to NOT be reliant on medication but the world works in mysterious ways. Am I reliant now? It’s a tool. Along with living a structured life I have been stable although never the same. I believe that once someone experiences something so drastic in their brain as seeing a vulnerable aspect of yourself makes you question your strength. I know I’m strong but there’s a but. I’m not immune to the ups and downs no matter how much I let myself to believe that I was in control of my life. Life itself taught me a lesson. You can never predict life.

Life has a way of keeping you on your toes.

It’s the attitude about the above Statement that will make or break someone. I learned not to try to control life. I respect it and try to learn the best I can. Crap happens to us all. There are inhibitions and fears but there’s also encouragement and triumphs. It’s silly to think that we can control those. I used to think that if I followed the right recipe of life and listened to what others had learned that it would save me from the bad. But bad still happened. Good happened too. I still believe in that, the good. My good is still there, it always will be because it’s an essence of who I am. I’ve changed? Definitely.

And if I could tell my before breakdown self something, it would be to try to relax and stop trying to control everything in her life. Medication is not the enemy but a tool. Things will get better. She will feel again. The good outweighs the bad and things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hope this finds you well.

As my Master always says.

Much love


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10 Responses to Really….

  1. Thank You so much for posting this. I’ve been dealing with anxiety most of my life and struggling with knowing if I should take meds or not. I’m still learning that I can’t control everything. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts 🙂


  2. I take meds too for depression and anxiety. I was super lucky and it worked at once. I don’t like the idea of being dependent on drugs but for now, it’s my best choice.

  3. Xtac says:

    As a Master and in many other ways, I tend to want to control everything around me. My friend Sno once said… If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. That though has now become a grudging part of the foundation of who I am. I try to control, but accept that things sometimes are just going to happen the way they will.. and failure is only failure when I stop trying… Having learned to cope with adversity, I wish I could do a better job of helping some of the people around me who are still struggling.

    • vilesarianna says:

      Although people sometimes are grateful for guidance it’s the adversity that seasons the road that is paved before us. Although there may be warning signs, sometimes life just has to slap you upside the head in order to change. I’ve learned some hard lessons that people warned me about. They tried to teach me another way but I was blind. I had to endure some things on my own. So although you may want to teach. The students will eventually become teachers themselves. An ever evolving forum of life.

  4. Xtac says:

    I was speaking with an educator last evening at a munch how said no one has ever taught anyone anything. All an educator can do is provide the tools for a person to teach themselves…

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