Meeting a new Dom

This is a piggy back to my Masters latest post on the WordPress site, The Kinky World of Vile.

He wrote about what you should and shouldn’t do when meeting a Dom. Well, I did most of the Shouldn’t do’s when I was a newbie. Here’s what that entailed.

I joined a BDSM personals website. Created a profile with my real name and real picture and said, “hey, I’m a newbie”. Which basically translated to ” hey, I’m gullible and I haven’t done my homework and I’ll be an easy target”.

I barely knew what the letters BDSM stood for let alone what they meant. I’d never been to meetings, never heard of fet life, never talked to a female about this other lifestyle that existed, didn’t know about how predators preyed upon those who knew no better and was thinking that anyone who self titled themselves as a Dom/Master must be held on a pedestal because by golly they are smarter and know things that I don’t. They hold life’s secrets and are leaders and deserve my utmost trust.

Well, the personals ad got many responses. Most fell by the wayside but three stood out. They took the time and wanted to steer me clear of predators. They told me, all three that I should immediately take down my profile. This was partly to protect me but also to isolate me from others who might be a better match. I didn’t realize at the time that the manipulation had begun. All three were older which was an internal requirement of mine. The oldest was a 70 year old who was a sensual Dom. He seemed too soft spoken but took a genuine interest in who I was and listened to me. Ultimately I didn’t choose him but he warned me about the other two who were also pursuing me and to be careful. The second was local to me so I decided to meet him. During our conversations he asked me to tell him a secret that I had never told anyone else. This was to try and gain my trust. Common technique. I met him in public but of course I had to wear a dress with no underwear. He was touchy and made me uncomfortable but I stayed through lunch. I was honest and told him that I was deciding between him and another Dom that lived 1000 miles away. He started pressuring me and wanted me to go to his house so we could start my training. Wow. He wanted to train me. He felt that I was worthy. Silly me. He then explained that his training would consist of sucking him off. I was so not attracted to him and felt that things were going way to fast. He was pretty verbally forceful and didn’t want me to say no to him which I eventually did and left.

So, it was down to one. I’ll refer to him as goober. That’s because it’s my Masters nickname for him. He spent hours on the phone with me and we video chatted. After a couple weeks it was time to meet in person. Granted I wasn’t attracted to him physically but the attraction came from the control that he wanted and I wanted to give. He flew down and we met at a casino. We met at the bar. He stared at me while we talked. I talked more then he did but didn’t ask many questions. I talked about myself. Giving him more and more info. Then it was time to go up to his room. Of course I trusted him, I mean why not. He was a Master of course he had my best interests in mind.

He asked me questions in the room about what kind of pain I enjoyed. And he played with me some. He wanted to see what I could handle and of course I wanted to please. So, he tied me up and proceeded to drop hot wax. It hurt but I wouldn’t call it pain. Then he wrapped my whole body up in Saran Wrap for a mummification. He wanted to see if I got panicky. I trusted him without him earning it. Basically he was a stranger and could’ve really hurt me. After a bit he explained to me how to properly ask Him if he would except me as His slave. He explained that once I did I would be his and my life would never be the same. I knelt in front of him, not really thinking or knowing the consequences of my actions or decisions and asked Him to accept me to be His slave.

He then wanted sex. He gave the control to me because he wanted to see if I could please him sexually. Wow. I tried but ultimately my sensuality was the opposite of what pleased him. He explained that He was a Dom and liked it rough. I felt a little devastated because I gave him everything I had. Although he was not going to release me but instead had me perform oral on him. I guess that was more to his liking. After a bit I started having second thoughts about the whole scenario that I put myself and wanted to leave. He told me that I couldn’t. We then proceeded to get into an argument and he threatened me by saying that he would tell the hotel staff that I was too drunk to drive the 2 hours home. Now, you may be wondering why I didn’t just leave then. It was because he was so convincing that maybe it wasn’t safe for me to drive and he cried even. Telling me that he just wanted to have a relationship where someone could love and serve him and that he didn’t have anyone else to care for him. Damn. My desire to be good won over and I spent the night.

The next morning the control started. Well actually it had started with the first phone conversation with him. He weaseled his way into my biggest fears. The fear of not having anyone to care for me. I didn’t have a support system in place. I was very naive and I was truly an innocent person with very little experience in worldly ways.

We proceeded with a Master/slave relationship. Every weekend he would fly down or mostly I would fly to him. For two and a half days a week I was chained and confined naked in his apartment enduring pain and boredom.

During the week I worked and afterwards stayed on the phone with him about four hours a day. Mainly, he had me quiet on the phone while he worked in the office. I had to have him on my Bluetooth every waking moment. I had to send him videos of my bathroom activities and night time rituals. He gave me assignments and kept me naked and cuffed in my own apartment during the week. I didn’t have a life except him. Although, I was allowed to go to my local gym if I had my Bluetooth on and the only time I was truly away was when I did my pool laps or when at work. Although there were texting requirements then too.

This relationship lasted 10 months. I learned a lot about myself and matured into what I needed in life. Ultimately I decided that it wasn’t goober.

I met my Master Vile about 6 weeks after the break up and have been thrilled ever since. I know I’m leaving you hanging a bit but that’s another blog. Goober did not let go easily. He threatened and ranted. Called me every name in the book. Blew up my phone with the ya and calls and emailed me explaining what a horrible person I was. Master Vile stepped in and conversed with him and goober finally let me go.

So, most of the above were not well thought out decisions. Especially thinking that just because I met a Dom didn’t mean that he needed to be my Dom. I didn’t need to obey them prior to entering into a consensual power dynamic and I certainly shouldn’t have put myself in unsafe situations. I learned and grew and have my happy ending. But again, that’s another blog.

Thanks for listening.


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11 Responses to Meeting a new Dom

  1. nuttykitten says:

    Thank you for sharing your story ariana. It takes courage to share your past experiences. To lesser extent Kit went through something similar…realized that it was a huge mistake and moved on with life. goober…that’s a fitting term haha.

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you for your comment. Yes, it was pretty personal but I wanted to let others know that there’s people out there that are alone and don’t know that there’s a better match out there. I had so little education. Didn’t know there were others like me. Didn’t realize how big this bdsm world is. It can be a wonderful experience. We all can learn from each experience.

  2. Xtac says:

    These are stories that need to be told and retold. The frustrating part is, no matter how many times you speak of your experiences, there will be newbies that don’t listen, and still make the same mistakes. I hope your message get through to some…

  3. Xtac says:

    @vilesarianna I know. I see it all the time and it breaks my heart. We want so much to help others avoid the mistakes we have made. Ah well.. The secret is to share, but not invest any emotion into the outcome. You can only do what you can do.

  4. Xtac says:

    @vilesarianna – You mentioned sub-frenzy. I wasn’t sure if that was a term only used in the North-East of the US. There are terms we commonly use here.. like “Endorphin Ladder”, or “Carnival ride” or “sub-frenzy”, but I never know which of these is a regional term. Good to see this term having a wider understanding. The more we as a community share common ideas and terms, the better the chance to help.

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