It’s kind of funny. As my stock of coffee filters gets lower and lower, I have about 2 weeks worth left, I begin to think of all the stuff that’s happened over the past 200 days. That’s been many many cups of coffee, many many morning conversations on the way to work, and many many smiles and some plans that did not happen and some that did. So, what’s on the agenda for the next 200? 

As I get comfortable with the new decade of 40, I begin to contemplate how I’d like to spend the time I have left. A shop without a course is bound by the ever changing currents and can become adrift at sea or crash to the shore. So, I want to set a flexible course for no one can yet predict the weather but I’d like to have an idea of the different ports to visit along the way. 

Last week I realized that there has only been one person in my life that has been an ear to my adventures, a shoulder in my woes, and a confidant through the last decade. Believe it or not, it’s been a coworker. We only have gotten together less then a dozen times in as many years. There’s several things that we don’t have in common but we have had a lot of time together. We’ve listened as the weeks of life have ticked by paycheck by paycheck. We’ve shared the interests of work while going our separate ways in our free time. No one except my mom, has known me through such years. Kind of sad in a way but it fits. My mom moved us around a lot so I never put forth roots. I once counted with my older half brother how many times I had moved between both and the age of fifteen. Believe it or not it was over 20. Since then I’ve added another dozen or so.. the longest stability I’ve had has been my mom and my job of 17 years. The longest relationship was 11 years. So.. I’m used to change but at the same time it can be scary and exciting. I’ve begun to realize that life has a way of moving. Always changing if even subtle. 

Although I want goals, I haven’t written them down. I haven’t been able to narrow the options. I know that once I make something a priority it’ll happen, if I focus enough energy towards it. 

I’m actually debating if Paris is really important to me, like it was several years ago when I dodged out of a trip with my last Master. I know I’d like to take a short trip to Las Vegas. That’s on my bucket list. I used to have a long bucket list of adventures. Like hot air ballooning across the Serengeti, yes, they actually have those. But, I’m not searching like I used to be in my early thirties. I used to want my life to change quickly, now I’m finding that the daily routine is comforting, because eventually it’ll change. I don’t have to force the hand of life. I don’t have to fight so hard to steer against the wind. I can use the winds of change as a guide. Maybe I’ll skip a port due to a storm but that doesn’t mean that I’ll never sail past it again. I feel transitional right now, meaning I’m preparing for a shift. Not sure what it is yet but I’m mentally gathering together things which I hold dear. Kind of like questioning yourself, in a fire what would you grab? What’s replaceable? I feel like purging those things which are replaceable so that I can have a clear focus. I feel a little cluttered right now, mentally. I’m using this time so that I can gather my thoughts and intentions so that I can formulate my destination. 

Onward and upward. Until the next coffee filter package is empty.. 😎

~arianna

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2 Responses to Life by coffee filters

  1. Xtac says:

    We are always free to choose, but not free to choose the results of our choosing. Every ship gets blown off course at some point, but with good fortune you still get where you wanted to be. What I’m say is, might as well make the best of what ever comes of those next 200, and if its what you hoped for, better still.

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