So…it went like this

We all (Master, myself, and my triad sister) attended our local munch last week at a restaurant. This is a monthly munch. There was the normal turn out. About 25 people.. Almost everyone besides 3 people were regulars. So, after consuming our meal, my Master and I introduced ourselves to the newbie table. Granted, two of them were certainly not new to the lifestyle. But, new to that particular munch. The other newbie was a women who was by herself. She showed bravery by coming out to meet people IRL. (In real life) Especially when she didn’t know anyone there. So after Master introduced himself he left me to chit chat at their table. They were nice and talkative. I told them about our MAsT chapter, (www.MAsT.net) and said that I would be looking them up on fet. Well, within a couple days one sent me a friend request, I immediately accepted (after asking permission) and wrote her a nice private message along with my acceptance. Two days past and no response. I thought that she might not have been back on fet so I wasnt to concerned. I wasn’t demanding a dialogue just an acknowledgement.  Then, on my friend feed, I saw that she wrote a journal entry, bingo. I read it. It was general just saying how she was new and just beginning her path. I responded. I wrote a response of encouragement and offered my assistance should she want it. No reply.. no big deal. Sometimes I don’t get a chance to reply to people either. But then, more responses to her entry started lining up under her entry and with each one she responded to personally. Hmmm. She skipped over mine. And… mine happened to be the longest response, she could’ve missed it. I reread it thinking maybe I said something offensive, nope. I said nothing but encouraging words and then there still wasn’t a reply to my private message I had sent.. well.. I defriended her. She had over 50 friends. Don’t think that she would’ve even noticed. I’m not going to have people in my friend feed that I’m not friends with. 

Two days later I was at our local coffee group get together. Lifestyle friendly group. I asked the coordinator of the munch about the new woman, asked if she received any correspondence from her because I got no where.. she said yes.. they had been writing back and forth a few times. Hmmm. I asked the coordinator then if she saw my response to the woman’s journal entry and had seen that she never acknowledged me. The coordinator agreed that it was rude to not give a response to my private message or the other when every other person had received one… Hmmm. 

At this time, I washed my hands. I was irritated, yes but not enough to continue to fret about it. Then… boom. The next evening, which was a week after the first encounter, I received a response to my private message. She said that she was confused on her BDSM journey and to have patience with her. What? There wasn’t an explanation of what I had said that offended her so how am I supposed to tread when she admitted that she closes herself off from certain people at a whim.. Hmmm. It’s been a day. I haven’t responded because I’m not quite sure how to proceed.  I think I just may offer to answer questions should she want to ask but to continue a dialogue would be futile. The munch coordinator was doing a good job of continuing to making her feel welcomed to events, no reason for me to kiss her butt. And no, there was no apology, no explanation, and no acknowledgement of my response to her journal entry.  I think I may need more hand soap…

~arianna

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23 Responses to So…it went like this

  1. Xtac says:

    Clearly there were some decisions made about who she wanted to communicate with and who she did not, but chose to be passive-aggressive about communicating those facts.. If that is so, why then communicate later that she was confused? Perhaps because the three of you as a “power” within the local community that she didn’t want to get on the bad side of that. Hey!.. I am just reading tea leaves here, with absolutely no expectation of being correct, but these are definitely possible scenarios.

    When you live a life of TPE, you have to know that this is one of the extreme edges of power exchange for some people and they may be uncomfortable with how we live and may want to distance themselves from it.. which actually does us a service.

    We don’t need converts. There are plenty of people who already love us for who we are, what we are, just the way we are. I would consider it a non-event, not worth even giving to the Master you serve as a worry for him to carry.

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you for your reply. I understand. No worries. 🙂
      Thank you so much for visiting.

    • Arianna tells me I tend to intimidate some at times.
      I suppose because I am not politically correct or many feel I am unfiltered.

      Arianna introduced herself first then I walked over. Maybe I messed up the setting .

      I think she has this frenzy thing going on her mind is lost.

      I do however agree with you.

      Ariannas comment was not short it was a rather long one , she responded to everyone else and looked over Arianna.

      Thank you for stopping by

  2. Goddessserenity says:

    Im sorry she was a snob. But i wouldn’t waste your time if she didn’t give you a little bit of respect she doesn’t deserve your attention well deep attention. If i met you and your master i would have ssend a message to you guys both long and very detailed 🙂 i love both your writing and it has helped me with my own life alot.

  3. toraprincess says:

    You probably did not offend her. She could be intimated or possibly envious. Envy can be a very strong emotion. Still wrong to be so blatantly rude.

  4. hispetitelle says:

    Sounds like a classic newbie “it’s all about me” phase. They rapidly seek out those they see even the tiniest amount in common with and table all others. However, it’s no excuse. If you have good manners it doesn’t matter what situation you’re in, you treat people with respect, especially when they’ve shown you kindness.

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought but it was obvious that it was only me she ignored. I should post what I wrote. Lol…but… it really doesn’t matter. Any energy spent on this would be wasted. Have an awesome day.

  5. Daddy says:

    One of my biggest pet peeves is the simple lack of response from people today. No response to a text message, email, etc…even if it’s just an acknowledgement. She could simply have responded to your response with a thank you, or an I appreciate your response. In my opinion there is never any reason for a passive aggressive, rude ignore.

    If you are new to the lifestyle then the one thing you should want to do is take in as many friends and resources as you can….especially ones as experienced as you and your Master. If they had taken the time to learn about you two then they would know that you both are honest and straight-forward, and frankly huge champions of the lifestyle.

    If she doesn’t want your help, then frankly it’s her loss. I however appreciate both of you and your contributions to those of us living the life.

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you for the compliments. I appreciate that. We both try to set an example of how a tpe relationship could be if people are willing to do the work and willing to learn about themselves and each other.

  6. Selina says:

    Ok for me personally…it was rude. To not acknowledge your message but to write a journal, then to skip over your reply but to reply to everyone else? We all make mistakes but she also could have acknowledged doing so in her message.

    You are such an amazing person with a beautiful soul and with your actions and words show the strength and beauty of a slave’s heart and it’s her loss that she won’t benefit from your knowledge.

  7. dievca says:

    You did a good thing and it’s up to the Lady (general term here) to accept or reject. If she was on a fact finding mission, she might have been overwhelmed by your dynamic + response and thought “I don’t want that!” — instead of just absorbing and offering a polite reply. In her mind she might be thinking “kink” not lifestyle change. Your dynamic offers an extreme. (If it was me at that munch?!?!?! Gimme info PLEASE!)
    Love to you and family. XO

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