Transparency

I usually title my blog entry prior to writing but I’m just going to see where this goes.

  I have a purging and organizing energy, probably due to my lifestyle sister coming for two straight weeks for a trial period. Maybe it’s comparable to trying to get ready to move or new baby organizing? I’ve never had the latter. But I am familiar with the urge to purge useless things prior to packing.  It’s funny, I just spent the last two days in a funk. This was probably due to having to spend my 3 day weekend with my mom at the hospital for a planned surgery. All went well but it was draining. So, my funk is over.  Dinner is in the oven, candle is lit, and I’m able to unwind and write. 

So, I’m excited for this two week trial. I’m hoping that I can just relax without stepping ahead or hiding in my over evaluating mind.  I’m wanting to connect more, not that we haven’t but there’s always more to explore.

So, tomorrow begins an adventure but also a relaxation. It’s not like she hasn’t spent time here at our home. Most weeks, she spends 2 days before leaving again for work.  

I told her that when she’s not with me it becomes easier to mentally write my own stories about what everything means. This can go down an uneasy path because, when dealing with another person, I don’t know their reactions, feelings, or thoughts for any given stimuli. So, when I try to write my own mental conclusions when I’m alone, I’m often misled by my own fears. (That made sense to me but I totally get it if I just confused the hell out of you.)

My stories are what I contemplate when I’m alone. It’s what haunts the dark crevices and shines light on the pebbles of my mind. Those pebbles are mulled over and over until the edges either get smoothed over or the pain increases from the tiny cuts that form. 

Either way, the actual truth is hard to come by alone, especially when my stories have characters. Those characters are alive and unique, independent from the thoughts inside my mind. There must be a melting of the minds, an openness to communicate those independent thoughts, and…. a way to cast aside the opinionated curtains till there is nothing left but sheer transparency.. 

That’s her favorite thing, transparency. And I will strive to attain this sometimes elusive thread in the story of my mind. 

~arianna

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15 Responses to Transparency

  1. Maybe… it will all be easier than you think, when she is actually there. May I ask, when with you, is she your equal in the house, or of a different position?

    • vilesarianna says:

      I must begin that each dynamic is unique and trying to put it in terms that don’t already carry a preconceived notion is hard. My Master has a hierarchy.. although we are in a triad he’s the head and I’m second because of my tenure in the relationship with him. Although I am not in charge of her, she takes direction from me due to my experience with Master. I am capable of answering questions and guiding us to fulfill his wants and needs. Does that answer your ? Thank you.

      • Yes, thank you so much. I am submissive and wife to my Master and husband. We have been together for over 26 yrs and married for 22. I am completely unsure how I would feel about adding another to our dynamic. Of course it would have to wait until our 19 year old has moved out. It would be nice to have a service submissive below me to help with household chores, and I feel although we have not discussed, that Master would love another to attend to him sexually, and perhaps as a threesome. I worry I would feel jealous. I know I would be first in His heart and thoughts, but still… I am intrigued to hear more, as your dynamic with three continues, to hear about it, should you be able to, and desire to share.

  2. The only way I can relate to this is though my experiences in a poly household when I was coming in as a third. I too had a bit of an thing about transparency. The D/s equation was quite unusual as we were all a bit more on the switch spectrum so hierarchy issues were fluid but surprisingly easy to deal with.

    It was rather I who had a bit of trouble integrating. It took a lot of care and transparency and courage to work though the emotions. Not always alone but at often together. I’ve never felt such love and care from any other life arrangement as deep as my triad.

    I wish you joy and love on this journey.

  3. Faith, trust, and pixie dust says:

    It’s been a long long long while since I wrote anything to you. I think it’s because somehow even though it was years ago now that we had a sort of falling out…. but I am so happy for you sweetie. That you have found a sister. I know you had been hoping for that kind of companionship for so long. I hope you love her as much as I loved my alpha when I was still with the pilot. It hurt me to know that the trials we faced hurt you. I never intended that to happen. I really do wish the very very best for yourself and Mr vile. And I am so happy that you have finally found that girl you’ve been looking for!

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you. All is well. I was more confused then hurt. You had to go through what you went through to get to the other side. I hope you are in a good place now. Live and learn, what we all must do. Best to you too. 😉

  4. Vile says:

    This is well written , when bringing someone into the home it should be a long process. Ours as of now has been several months.

    You cannot bring someone in and say okay the two of you are equal , there is no way the word equal can even come into play.

    The slave my slave Arianna has built a home , she knows me inside and out, she has spent some 4 years with me and is able to anticipate my needs.

    There has to be a hierarchy while Arianna is not in charge she leads , gives advice and she is the first go to should a problem arise. Arianna keeps the house in check.

    To bring someone in and say you are equal is a slap in the face.

  5. So happy for all of you. I wish you all the best in your journey. 🙂

  6. Sierraskye says:

    Now maybe we can have “our” story, but without fears; a story that is filled with much more light, that glow in even the dark crevices. And if you feel the shadows descend at times we can talk about it openly and honestly “till there is nothing left but sheer transparency”. Let’s relax and enjoy our moments. Just breathe!

    • vilesarianna says:

      Thank you, sister. You are more insightful then you realize. I love to read your words, hear your thoughts,and listen to your caring voice. Thank you. Sigh… see I just breathed. 😉

  7. Xtac says:

    I can think of nothing more exciting than an adventure of discovering another person. I am sure that any challenges be turned to positives. I look forward to hearing snippets and insights.

  8. dievca says:

    Coming in late, but wishing you the best.

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