I usually title my blog entry prior to writing but I’m just going to see where this goes.
I have a purging and organizing energy, probably due to my lifestyle sister coming for two straight weeks for a trial period. Maybe it’s comparable to trying to get ready to move or new baby organizing? I’ve never had the latter. But I am familiar with the urge to purge useless things prior to packing. It’s funny, I just spent the last two days in a funk. This was probably due to having to spend my 3 day weekend with my mom at the hospital for a planned surgery. All went well but it was draining. So, my funk is over. Dinner is in the oven, candle is lit, and I’m able to unwind and write.
So, I’m excited for this two week trial. I’m hoping that I can just relax without stepping ahead or hiding in my over evaluating mind. I’m wanting to connect more, not that we haven’t but there’s always more to explore.
So, tomorrow begins an adventure but also a relaxation. It’s not like she hasn’t spent time here at our home. Most weeks, she spends 2 days before leaving again for work.
I told her that when she’s not with me it becomes easier to mentally write my own stories about what everything means. This can go down an uneasy path because, when dealing with another person, I don’t know their reactions, feelings, or thoughts for any given stimuli. So, when I try to write my own mental conclusions when I’m alone, I’m often misled by my own fears. (That made sense to me but I totally get it if I just confused the hell out of you.)
My stories are what I contemplate when I’m alone. It’s what haunts the dark crevices and shines light on the pebbles of my mind. Those pebbles are mulled over and over until the edges either get smoothed over or the pain increases from the tiny cuts that form.
Either way, the actual truth is hard to come by alone, especially when my stories have characters. Those characters are alive and unique, independent from the thoughts inside my mind. There must be a melting of the minds, an openness to communicate those independent thoughts, and…. a way to cast aside the opinionated curtains till there is nothing left but sheer transparency..
That’s her favorite thing, transparency. And I will strive to attain this sometimes elusive thread in the story of my mind.