Through the 2.5 years that Master and I have been together. I’ve changed a lot.
I’ve become more confident and more secure in our relationship. I feel that I have become more my own. I’m not striving to become something, someone I’m not. I’ve been accepted flaws and all. It’s funny because I know that I’ve taken on qualities that my Master has seeded in me. But it feels natural. I’m not fighting it. I’ve always been very compliant.
I’m not referring to anything in particular. There is Always room for improvement.
This has been an exciting week. We both got new updated phones although our old ones were only 18 months old. I also bought new tennis shoes for work. And…. I ordered new undies and bras from amazon that I got in the mail. Woohoo I feel spoiled. Although I do all the time anyway.
Back to topic though. I feel that my submission can always grow both internally and externally. Master says that it would be difficult to give up more control to him. But I need to understand more that my submission isn’t always outward actions. Hard to explain. I need to show more of my internal submissive behaviors. I need to internalize my outward actions. They can get repeated so many times that they become automatic. For instance, speaking in thirds which I do pretty well, becomes automatic. My mind needs to focus on what’s going on inside. Then I can externalize those thoughts to actions. I’ll still perform my normal stuff of course but will also try to surprise Master. Sometimes I can be predictable. Its work, especially after a long frustrating day at work when I just want to veg. I find myself being selfish.
Im Trying to fulfill an ideal which seems just out of reach but in doing so that keeps pushing me to strive further. I certainly don’t want to become complacent in my service. I give myself kudos for coming so far.
I’m sure some of you can understand.
So I need to step out of my norm even when I’m not being pushed. I thrive on new challenges although it takes me a day or so to adjust. So I want to come up with my own challenges to conquer. It shouldn’t be just Master that keeps me in check. I need more of an active role. This is just something that I thought I’d share. Don’t take it to seriously. Lol
My mind wanders sometimes.