In response to, ‘the kinky world of vile’ blog titled “what do you as a submissive want out of life”, posted today.
I titled this post, it was me, because as I read the blog it was an instant realization of how clueless I was. I was the newbie that blindly followed whomever wanted to lead me. I was in a state of confusion and saw any so called Dom as the answer to all my woos of life. They would become my night in shining Armor and my world would finally have meaning and a purpose. I was unsafe. I was totally and utterly naive. There were no questions. I mean why would I question the person that I blindly gave all authority over. Wouldn’t they have all the right answers?
My first experience was with a so called Dom but was a Internet trolling predator who I decided to let him use me both mentally and physically. I was bruised, badly. My ass was black for 2 weeks. At the time there was no discussion about the play before hand. No safe words were discussed. I allowed myself to enter into a dangerous situation and I wanted to be the best Slave possible. I handed over my life to a title only and had zero idea of the man behind the title. Big mistake. Bad mistake. I’m a slow learner I guess because then came Dom number 2.
Number 2 entered my life after i listed a personal ad on a bdsm personals website. Big mistake. I was still a newbie with stars in my eyes and i announced to world that I was new to the lifestyle and even posted a real pic of myself. Wow. Wouldn’t do that one again but I thought I was something special because of all responses I received. Should have been red flags somewhere but at the time I didn’t even acknowledge that flags even existed. Lol
I was thrilled with the attention. And in the phone discussions I narrowed my search down to 3. I eventually decided on one and we began a relationship in earnest. We met in person within a week. We continued the relationship for 6 months.
In that 6 months I finally started to see what really was going on. I realized that I was only taking pain to please. That the relationship could not exist on bdsm alone without some commonality in and out of the bedroom. Both parties need to be on the same page. There needs to be two inputs and not solely the Dom at first. There shouldn’t be a handing over of power until things are talked about like what each wants and needs out of the relationship. You should really ask yourself as my Master put it, What do you as a submissive want out of life?
In this answer is the key to all your questions.