Still missing??

What’s missing you may wonder? Me? My baking dish from a previous post? Or the ample thoughts of how great life is?

How about all the above? ๐Ÿ˜‰

If you read about our moving and my missing baking dish, then you may be wondering if it ever turned up. Well, no. It hasn’t. I mean, how do you misplace a 13×9 inch glass dish. Lol. Well, my mom decided to buy me another one. It’s much better then the one I lost. This new one has handles. Go figure! Mom to the rescue.

I also feel like something is amiss in my life. Weird but I do. I think I just need some time to absorb all the changes that have occurred over the last two months and find my new normal. We are enjoying the new house. Finally got the AC unit replaced three days ago. Whoop whoop.

Master was great on this Christmas Eve. He made me a nice steak dinner on the grill and gave me a lovely Christmas present, a fairy. I think I’m officially a collector of fairies. I have about 7 of them. I’m not sure what exactly is the attraction to them. They are mystical and magical but yet hold a human form. I’ll need to ponder that more.

Brittany, our puppy, is growing. She’s like three times the size she was in August. She used to run under my dresser but now she can barely fit under the couch. She still only tips the scales at about 6 pounds though.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas tomorrow. We don’t have a big tree this tear. Lynn got a tabletop one that she decorated and we have all the presents on the dining table. Tomorrow though they will all be relocated to the coffee table because we need to have our Christmas dinner at the table. My mom and brother are coming over. Ever since my stepdad died she’s been lonely. I’ve stepped in when I could but I know it’s not as much as what she wants.

Enjoy your holiday. I’m working and so is Master so I’ve tasked lynn with making the holiday feast of Mexican salads. Lol. Yes. I choose something delicious and easy. My mom has pancreatic disease and she won’t be able to eat it but she’s bringing a piece of chicken. She’s still in the inflammation phase so she doesn’t quite understand what’s good and bad concerning her flare ups.

Merry Christmas


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So….Misguided Confidence?

Welcome to home ownership. Lol. Yes, full fledged home responsibility. Thought we had it covered then BAM, here we go. $$$$$

Had to replace the entire AC unit. Yes, lots of $$$. It’ll be completed within the next couple weeks. We weren’t too concerned with the first diagnosis of the AC because that would’ve been covered under the home warranty, But second diagnosis was not covered. Which one was right? Well, the first technician was fired 14 hours after he left our house for whatever reason. The second technician I watched like a hawk and understood the diagnosis and how he came to that conclusion. It’s a leaky line set. The pressure dropped a lot just within 15 minutes. That means there was a leak somewhere underground. The coils weren’t showing any signs of a leak. So instead of paying for a new line set out of pocket plus trying to find the old R-22 Freon and paying for that too, we decided to upgrade the 20 year old system because it’s just a matter of time before something else went wrong with it. So $$$$. But, we did feel like we are getting a lot for our dollar. We bought a Trane unit through a reputable company.

Tonight we have a MAsT dinner in town. Should be a good time. My Master is still recouping from price tag shock. Hopefully this will increase the value of the house. We aren’t planning on moving anytime soon. Lol.

So that’s that. Much love.


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Missing Baking Dish

Our house. Our new house, At least to us it’s new. Built in 1999. Bought on November 15, 2018. Moved in a week ago today. Sure, there have been some pitfalls but as I look around I realize that this is home. This is where and when we set our roots. Moving is awful, the act of moving. The packing and storing, the disorganization and the never ending things that just can’t seem to fit into a category and fill a box. Does everyone have a crap drawer in the kitchen? One that is a catch all. I mean where do we put stuff that doesn’t have a place? Worse yet, where do you put it when you move so that you can find it again? ๐Ÿ™‚

So, we are missing a baking dish. Our 9×13 inch baking dish. A simple dish. Bought from IKEA several years ago. I’ve looked through boxes and stashes. Looked through piles and under things. Our garage is a disaster but we are getting there. Work on it a little each day. Our house, our home. Who knew that Master could pull all of this off. Six weeks exactly, that’s the amount of time it took from seeing the listing to signing the papers. No money down and seller paid for repairs. We really got out good on it. Who knew. When Master Vile puts his mind to something he does it. We hadn’t even looked online for any more then a week, seriously. At first glance, I wasn’t in love. No fence for our dogs and it’s a two bedroom. No and no. But, for Master Vile he had in his mind Yes and Yes. His two requirements were met- gas stove and beautiful floors.

We actually viewed it the following day and put a contract in on it. First house we saw but Master Vile knew that this could work and be our home. Our realtor suggested a letter along with our contract to the seller. This letter basically said why we would make good home owners and how we would take care of her home. Lol. This later becomes a big coincidence because as we have come to learn she did not have home maintenance on her priority list.

She received 6 offers and two of them included letters, so she said. I’m not sure why she picked out contract above others. We are in a hot market. Especially in our price range, it’s hard to find a decent place that doesn’t need a lot of attention. Well, our home doesn’t require A LOT but it’s in need of serious TLC. We were able to get 2% of the purchase price towards repairs. Which we have used plus more but it’s nothing we didn’t have a clue about except for the AC. That was a little bit of a surprise. Thank goodness for home warranties. Although, our home inspector said things were running fine, two days after moving in- no AC. Hmmm. Well this is a bit of a conundrum. Thankfully it’s cool outside and the humidity has been in the 60-70’s.

So hopefully that’ll be fixed Monday. They already sent a guy out. Our handy man contractor was on drugs or something. He ended up finishing kind of but not before his deadline. The movers were great. The actual move of the “stuff” went smoothly. Really, I have no complaints. Would we recommend our contractor, no. Not really. But so far his work was ok. His price was fair, we think.

So, the problems we had earlier in the week have sorted themselves out. Cable, irrigation, laundry issues, and shower issues. All resolved. We just have the AC left. So, things are good. Life is good. It’s homey and will continue to fit us more and more.

Through this whole process, the highlights will remain positive even if there was some negative. Who am I not to learn and put on my rose colored glasses. Why not look back on this experience in a positive light. We have so much to grateful for. I would do it all over again.

So that’s my week. I went back to work today after being away for 9 days. Things were good there too. Thank you for listening.


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Thankful Thanksgiving.

Today is a day to be grateful and thankful. Our small bubble expanded and my Master went to my moms house, two of my three brothers were there and a very close friend who I call my “other” mom. Things went smoothly. Pics were taken. Hugs were exchanged.

So now the day is coming to a close and my Master is watching tv in the bedroom. I asked to have a little downtime in the living room. So what is my choice of tv. Please don’t judge but watch the fifty shades series. Well, the first two. I thought Fifty Shades Freed list the whole power dynamic. Totally topping from the bottom and he became weak. And it was mainly sex.

What do I get out of the movies? It’s a nice fantasy escape. Kind of like the adult version of the twilight series. I take it at face value. I don’t analyze the bdsm aspect. It has snippets of a power exchange dynamic but mainly it’s just pure entertainment. I like the controlling aspect and the protective attitude of Christian Grey. He wants to own her. He wants to control all aspects of her. This idea is enticing. The sex scenes are a little over the top but the music soundtrack is awesome. My kind of music. Is it a true portrayal of bdsm? Is there a true portrayal of any dynamic? I mean we are all so different in our relationships there is no one twue way. I can relate to the feeling of being swept up. Caught up in the whirlwind of seeing a whole new world. Anastasia is a little too head strong for me. But my beliefs systems are different. And if she acted like a stepford wife then that wouldn’t make for a good plot line. She’s a brat. And pushes back more then I ever would dare. Is this reality? Of course not but the reality is it takes all kinds. The beauty of this alternative lifestyle is you can take what you want and discard the rest. You are the author, the director, and the actor.

I may get backlash for Even bringing the movie up. But honestly, in the end, does it matter. It’s my downtime. My little escape. Could the movie have gone better into character development? Of course. But ultimately this is just a pure chick flick. Us chicks, we are emotional creatures, at least for me. This movie hits chords and some of it is relatable. For me, I’m in a 24/7 power exchange. There’s not many options out there. I mean. The fantasy would be to be captured and ravished but those movies generally have the girl rescued. What happens when she doesn’t get rescued? What happens when she succumbs to her plight of being held in captivity? What about her story of accepting her fate, for life? Not many movies have those. No one wants to make movies of the dark side. There are deep dark fantasies by many people. Most of them are unlawful or frowned upon in our feminist society.

If I truly put out my beliefs I would be judged. I don’t share all my thoughts. They are mainly old fashioned. For myself, I like to live in my place. Knowing where I belong in the hierarchy of things. It makes things simple. For me. I’m not going to push my beliefs on other woman but I find my views to be not mainstream. Do I feel isolated? Definitely Not. I have a Master who is very understanding.

I’m thankful for my place. I’m thankful for having a Master that is both kind and firm. I’m thankful that during my search I was not physically harmed beyond what was needed. I’m grateful that I was not mentally harmed beyond what was needed. I learned a lot in the first couple years of the lifestyle. Mistakes that were made were part of the learning curve. I believe that everyone has them. I believe that I followed a path that was laid out before me. I’m lucky. I have my happily ever after. Is it all roses? Of course not. Is anything? Even in the movie you ride a roller coaster of emotions. There are exhilarating moments and times of extreme disappointment. That’s what makes it an awesome chick flick. So, should I have titled my blog as I did? Probably not but it is thanksgiving here in the USA.

And I did slightly tie in my gratefulness. ๐Ÿ˜‰

BDSM. This is my life. My lifestyle. My defining moments. Not everyone understands. Nor should they. We are a river, an ever flowing movement of water. Not to be stepped in at the same moment in time. Our actions define not only ourselves but we affect everyone around us. A butterfly effect. One action can change the world. I strive to make every effort to do better then I did the day before. Things are good. And for that reason. I will remember this thanksgiving. For I am forever grateful.

Thank you for listening.


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Summer 2018

This summer has flown by. Seems like just yesterday my Master treated me to an awesome dinner at Gaylord Palms for our five year anniversary.

It was a fabulous anniversary. Couldn’t have asked for more. The dinner was phenomenal. It was undivided attention and I felt on top of the world.

I wouldn’t change the last five years. There were dry spells and wet spells but every spell was a bond and an experience that I don’t need to out do.

We also added a member to our family. Her name is Brittany.

She’s a mixture of yorkie and schnauzer. She was born May 19 and we got her beginning of August. She’s already potty trained. Yea!!! Took her about 3 weeks of patience but now she will go and sit by the door so there doesn’t have to be constant supervision and attention. She does beautifully at night. She sleeps in her large crate. And I wake up around midnight to take her out.

I celebrated my 42 birthday last week. Had a good time. Laid back. Took the week off of work and chilled. My Master said that I could have a birthday drink but I only got about an inch into the Long Island. Drinking just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

My Master Vile didn’t realize that Lynn was taking a pic. He was busy conceding with another Master who is a friend who came out to enjoy our little celebration.

Back in July we all went to see Cindy Lauper and Rod Stewart in concert. Good times but Cindy got a little political. Wish celebrities would just stick to their talent.

The above pic was before the show started. It actually looked sold out by the time we were 30 minutes into the show. Yes. We were almost up in the attic. We were about 7 rows from the ceiling. Lol. We still had to pay 80$ a ticket.

So this summer was good. Can’t complain. Just thought I’d update. Even though it sounds so superficial to glance over the last three months. I’ll post another entry to go deeper into something. I’m not feeling extraordinarily inspired.

I’m home alone with Brittany and our older dog, daphne. I asked to skip our weekly coffee group so that I could wind down mentally. So my Master and Lynn went together. I’m currently listening to Pandora and writing. I used to blog a lot more. Not sure why I’m not. I enjoy writing. It’s a validation of my life, meaning that once an empty page is filled with memories they are out there. Even though the reader may not have experienced it, the reader may be able to relate or at least envision and therefore creates a memory for them too. A life is not lived in vain. Pay it forward. I enjoy reading WordPress. My favorite entries are relatable. Life entries. I’m curious to know how others spend their time and live their dynamic. Feel free to ask questions if your as curious as me. ๐Ÿ˜‰


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Secret lives and the not so secret advertising

I usually come up with the title of the blog prior to me writing it. This leads to getting off topic but then at the last minute pulling everything together.

Looks can be deceiving. Never judge a book by its cover but I do. If I looked at me I would think, confident happy bitch. People at work are surprised to see me on my bad days. Or are astonished that I can fall apart like most others. Even better then others.

I don’t keep my power exchange a secret but I don’t hide it either. If people ask I usually tell them or give hints and clues. Let them conclude in their imagination. A tease? Maybe. Interesting? Definitely.

We’ve recently have been frequenting a swingers/nudist/sex resort. It’s awesome although I find myself in a place where I don’t necessarily want to be labeled that. Sure we are in a triad but not poly. We aren’t swingers but I could at anytime be called upon to service another. But I don’t want to false advertise. I asked an employee there about how to handle advancements. Because I’m in a place where we are inviting such. It’s a sexually charged atmosphere. So instead of just saying no she said to take the persons hand politely off of my body and say that my husband and I are good. Pretty good compromise. It takes courage to touch someone and at the same time you don’t want to crush them. Although permission should be asked prior to any advancements but when alcohol is involved this isn’t always the case. So I said no and shook my head no when a guy placed his hand on my unclothed knee. He promptly removed himself from the area we were in. But next time I’ll say no in a more politically correct way. “We are Good” thank you but NO.

I am a tease. Sucking on my Masters dick in front of others. Flaunting around naked. Exuding confidence. Maybe bitchyness but my Master likes to show me off. Advertise me that I’m His and only He has the authority to share me.

We are going there again Wednesday evening for karaoke (clothing required in the club but optional all other places except the playrooms where no clothes are allowed) and jacuzzi time. Probably the heated pool too. Maybe the dungeon some. Maybe visit the playrooms.

This weekend is a three day celebration of our collaring/wedding anniversary. There will be surprises and closeness.

Above is one of the outfits I wore to the resort. Not sure what this weekend will hold. Master has been pretty good at keeping things a secret. Maybe I’ll get to share a pic or two of the goings on.

At the resort we don’t advertise our power exchange but will share it with others. We still aren’t sure how we are being received by others although acceptance is not a requirement we don’t want to be ostracized in a cool place that allows us to be who we are.

So we just go with the flow. In this new world that we have found ourselves in where there are a vast array of grays between the vanilla and the chocolate. People are in “the lifestyle” and finding out their definition of what that means to them is half the fun.

Have a Great evening.


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So I’ve been cruising Pinterest the past hour. Reading motivational blogs and lists. The last one was interesting because there was a 24 year old that gave a list of twenty things to do to curve anxiety. She said that she tried medications but these 20 things curved her anxiety to the point that she doesn’t take anything.

I’m happy for her. But for me, it’s a condition that can be managed but I’m not sure about the self curing. I believe that people are led to their own cures through various channels. I tried the natural, holistic, non medication approach.

Let’s see. The year was 2010. I was depressed but refused to let myself feel that. I was determined to give myself every natural self healing tool there was. During that year prior to my nervous breakdown in the last part of 2010, I tried the following in various forms and commitments.

1. Became a qigong instructor

2. Took reiki classes

3. Read 25 self help and motivational books

4. Started my dream board

5. Tried a gluten free diet, raw food diet, juicing and all natural smoothies.

6. Started an inspirational blog

7. Meditated both at home daily and at a spiritual center 3 times a week.

8. Took psychic classes

9. Volunteered at farm to consumer co-op as their education director

10. Started my own business

11. Received acupuncture twice a month along with full body massages

12. Took hypnosis classes

13. Enrolled in a planetary herbology course where I traveled for week long retreats

And learned various natural remedies from cultures around the world.

14. Made my own teas, tinctures, and herbal pills.

15. Synced with the moon phases and dabbled in Wicca

16. Wrote daily in a gratitude journal.

17. Took relaxing baths by candlelight

18. Listened to nature sounds and took up bird watching

19. Created my own space where I could enter and no other energy was allowed.

This was all in the year prior to my mental breakdown where I was hospitalized for two weeks and I started receiving medication for bipolar 2, anxiety disorder and depression. So, I applaud people who can “do it alone”. But that wasn’t the real solution for me. I tried really hard to NOT be reliant on medication but the world works in mysterious ways. Am I reliant now? It’s a tool. Along with living a structured life I have been stable although never the same. I believe that once someone experiences something so drastic in their brain as seeing a vulnerable aspect of yourself makes you question your strength. I know I’m strong but there’s a but. I’m not immune to the ups and downs no matter how much I let myself to believe that I was in control of my life. Life itself taught me a lesson. You can never predict life.

Life has a way of keeping you on your toes.

It’s the attitude about the above Statement that will make or break someone. I learned not to try to control life. I respect it and try to learn the best I can. Crap happens to us all. There are inhibitions and fears but there’s also encouragement and triumphs. It’s silly to think that we can control those. I used to think that if I followed the right recipe of life and listened to what others had learned that it would save me from the bad. But bad still happened. Good happened too. I still believe in that, the good. My good is still there, it always will be because it’s an essence of who I am. I’ve changed? Definitely.

And if I could tell my before breakdown self something, it would be to try to relax and stop trying to control everything in her life. Medication is not the enemy but a tool. Things will get better. She will feel again. The good outweighs the bad and things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hope this finds you well.

As my Master always says.

Much love


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