Summer 2018

This summer has flown by. Seems like just yesterday my Master treated me to an awesome dinner at Gaylord Palms for our five year anniversary.

It was a fabulous anniversary. Couldn’t have asked for more. The dinner was phenomenal. It was undivided attention and I felt on top of the world.

I wouldn’t change the last five years. There were dry spells and wet spells but every spell was a bond and an experience that I don’t need to out do.

We also added a member to our family. Her name is Brittany.

She’s a mixture of yorkie and schnauzer. She was born May 19 and we got her beginning of August. She’s already potty trained. Yea!!! Took her about 3 weeks of patience but now she will go and sit by the door so there doesn’t have to be constant supervision and attention. She does beautifully at night. She sleeps in her large crate. And I wake up around midnight to take her out.

I celebrated my 42 birthday last week. Had a good time. Laid back. Took the week off of work and chilled. My Master said that I could have a birthday drink but I only got about an inch into the Long Island. Drinking just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

My Master Vile didn’t realize that Lynn was taking a pic. He was busy conceding with another Master who is a friend who came out to enjoy our little celebration.

Back in July we all went to see Cindy Lauper and Rod Stewart in concert. Good times but Cindy got a little political. Wish celebrities would just stick to their talent.

The above pic was before the show started. It actually looked sold out by the time we were 30 minutes into the show. Yes. We were almost up in the attic. We were about 7 rows from the ceiling. Lol. We still had to pay 80$ a ticket.

So this summer was good. Can’t complain. Just thought I’d update. Even though it sounds so superficial to glance over the last three months. I’ll post another entry to go deeper into something. I’m not feeling extraordinarily inspired.

I’m home alone with Brittany and our older dog, daphne. I asked to skip our weekly coffee group so that I could wind down mentally. So my Master and Lynn went together. I’m currently listening to Pandora and writing. I used to blog a lot more. Not sure why I’m not. I enjoy writing. It’s a validation of my life, meaning that once an empty page is filled with memories they are out there. Even though the reader may not have experienced it, the reader may be able to relate or at least envision and therefore creates a memory for them too. A life is not lived in vain. Pay it forward. I enjoy reading WordPress. My favorite entries are relatable. Life entries. I’m curious to know how others spend their time and live their dynamic. Feel free to ask questions if your as curious as me. 😉

~arianna.

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Secret lives and the not so secret advertising

I usually come up with the title of the blog prior to me writing it. This leads to getting off topic but then at the last minute pulling everything together.

Looks can be deceiving. Never judge a book by its cover but I do. If I looked at me I would think, confident happy bitch. People at work are surprised to see me on my bad days. Or are astonished that I can fall apart like most others. Even better then others.

I don’t keep my power exchange a secret but I don’t hide it either. If people ask I usually tell them or give hints and clues. Let them conclude in their imagination. A tease? Maybe. Interesting? Definitely.

We’ve recently have been frequenting a swingers/nudist/sex resort. It’s awesome although I find myself in a place where I don’t necessarily want to be labeled that. Sure we are in a triad but not poly. We aren’t swingers but I could at anytime be called upon to service another. But I don’t want to false advertise. I asked an employee there about how to handle advancements. Because I’m in a place where we are inviting such. It’s a sexually charged atmosphere. So instead of just saying no she said to take the persons hand politely off of my body and say that my husband and I are good. Pretty good compromise. It takes courage to touch someone and at the same time you don’t want to crush them. Although permission should be asked prior to any advancements but when alcohol is involved this isn’t always the case. So I said no and shook my head no when a guy placed his hand on my unclothed knee. He promptly removed himself from the area we were in. But next time I’ll say no in a more politically correct way. “We are Good” thank you but NO.

I am a tease. Sucking on my Masters dick in front of others. Flaunting around naked. Exuding confidence. Maybe bitchyness but my Master likes to show me off. Advertise me that I’m His and only He has the authority to share me.

We are going there again Wednesday evening for karaoke (clothing required in the club but optional all other places except the playrooms where no clothes are allowed) and jacuzzi time. Probably the heated pool too. Maybe the dungeon some. Maybe visit the playrooms.

This weekend is a three day celebration of our collaring/wedding anniversary. There will be surprises and closeness.

Above is one of the outfits I wore to the resort. Not sure what this weekend will hold. Master has been pretty good at keeping things a secret. Maybe I’ll get to share a pic or two of the goings on.

At the resort we don’t advertise our power exchange but will share it with others. We still aren’t sure how we are being received by others although acceptance is not a requirement we don’t want to be ostracized in a cool place that allows us to be who we are.

So we just go with the flow. In this new world that we have found ourselves in where there are a vast array of grays between the vanilla and the chocolate. People are in “the lifestyle” and finding out their definition of what that means to them is half the fun.

Have a Great evening.

~arianna

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Really….

So I’ve been cruising Pinterest the past hour. Reading motivational blogs and lists. The last one was interesting because there was a 24 year old that gave a list of twenty things to do to curve anxiety. She said that she tried medications but these 20 things curved her anxiety to the point that she doesn’t take anything.

I’m happy for her. But for me, it’s a condition that can be managed but I’m not sure about the self curing. I believe that people are led to their own cures through various channels. I tried the natural, holistic, non medication approach.

Let’s see. The year was 2010. I was depressed but refused to let myself feel that. I was determined to give myself every natural self healing tool there was. During that year prior to my nervous breakdown in the last part of 2010, I tried the following in various forms and commitments.

1. Became a qigong instructor

2. Took reiki classes

3. Read 25 self help and motivational books

4. Started my dream board

5. Tried a gluten free diet, raw food diet, juicing and all natural smoothies.

6. Started an inspirational blog

7. Meditated both at home daily and at a spiritual center 3 times a week.

8. Took psychic classes

9. Volunteered at farm to consumer co-op as their education director

10. Started my own business

11. Received acupuncture twice a month along with full body massages

12. Took hypnosis classes

13. Enrolled in a planetary herbology course where I traveled for week long retreats

And learned various natural remedies from cultures around the world.

14. Made my own teas, tinctures, and herbal pills.

15. Synced with the moon phases and dabbled in Wicca

16. Wrote daily in a gratitude journal.

17. Took relaxing baths by candlelight

18. Listened to nature sounds and took up bird watching

19. Created my own space where I could enter and no other energy was allowed.

This was all in the year prior to my mental breakdown where I was hospitalized for two weeks and I started receiving medication for bipolar 2, anxiety disorder and depression. So, I applaud people who can “do it alone”. But that wasn’t the real solution for me. I tried really hard to NOT be reliant on medication but the world works in mysterious ways. Am I reliant now? It’s a tool. Along with living a structured life I have been stable although never the same. I believe that once someone experiences something so drastic in their brain as seeing a vulnerable aspect of yourself makes you question your strength. I know I’m strong but there’s a but. I’m not immune to the ups and downs no matter how much I let myself to believe that I was in control of my life. Life itself taught me a lesson. You can never predict life.

Life has a way of keeping you on your toes.

It’s the attitude about the above Statement that will make or break someone. I learned not to try to control life. I respect it and try to learn the best I can. Crap happens to us all. There are inhibitions and fears but there’s also encouragement and triumphs. It’s silly to think that we can control those. I used to think that if I followed the right recipe of life and listened to what others had learned that it would save me from the bad. But bad still happened. Good happened too. I still believe in that, the good. My good is still there, it always will be because it’s an essence of who I am. I’ve changed? Definitely.

And if I could tell my before breakdown self something, it would be to try to relax and stop trying to control everything in her life. Medication is not the enemy but a tool. Things will get better. She will feel again. The good outweighs the bad and things can ALWAYS be worse.

I hope this finds you well.

As my Master always says.

Much love

~arianna

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Meeting a new Dom

This is a piggy back to my Masters latest post on the WordPress site, The Kinky World of Vile.

He wrote about what you should and shouldn’t do when meeting a Dom. Well, I did most of the Shouldn’t do’s when I was a newbie. Here’s what that entailed.

I joined a BDSM personals website. Created a profile with my real name and real picture and said, “hey, I’m a newbie”. Which basically translated to ” hey, I’m gullible and I haven’t done my homework and I’ll be an easy target”.

I barely knew what the letters BDSM stood for let alone what they meant. I’d never been to meetings, never heard of fet life, never talked to a female about this other lifestyle that existed, didn’t know about how predators preyed upon those who knew no better and was thinking that anyone who self titled themselves as a Dom/Master must be held on a pedestal because by golly they are smarter and know things that I don’t. They hold life’s secrets and are leaders and deserve my utmost trust.

Well, the personals ad got many responses. Most fell by the wayside but three stood out. They took the time and wanted to steer me clear of predators. They told me, all three that I should immediately take down my profile. This was partly to protect me but also to isolate me from others who might be a better match. I didn’t realize at the time that the manipulation had begun. All three were older which was an internal requirement of mine. The oldest was a 70 year old who was a sensual Dom. He seemed too soft spoken but took a genuine interest in who I was and listened to me. Ultimately I didn’t choose him but he warned me about the other two who were also pursuing me and to be careful. The second was local to me so I decided to meet him. During our conversations he asked me to tell him a secret that I had never told anyone else. This was to try and gain my trust. Common technique. I met him in public but of course I had to wear a dress with no underwear. He was touchy and made me uncomfortable but I stayed through lunch. I was honest and told him that I was deciding between him and another Dom that lived 1000 miles away. He started pressuring me and wanted me to go to his house so we could start my training. Wow. He wanted to train me. He felt that I was worthy. Silly me. He then explained that his training would consist of sucking him off. I was so not attracted to him and felt that things were going way to fast. He was pretty verbally forceful and didn’t want me to say no to him which I eventually did and left.

So, it was down to one. I’ll refer to him as goober. That’s because it’s my Masters nickname for him. He spent hours on the phone with me and we video chatted. After a couple weeks it was time to meet in person. Granted I wasn’t attracted to him physically but the attraction came from the control that he wanted and I wanted to give. He flew down and we met at a casino. We met at the bar. He stared at me while we talked. I talked more then he did but didn’t ask many questions. I talked about myself. Giving him more and more info. Then it was time to go up to his room. Of course I trusted him, I mean why not. He was a Master of course he had my best interests in mind.

He asked me questions in the room about what kind of pain I enjoyed. And he played with me some. He wanted to see what I could handle and of course I wanted to please. So, he tied me up and proceeded to drop hot wax. It hurt but I wouldn’t call it pain. Then he wrapped my whole body up in Saran Wrap for a mummification. He wanted to see if I got panicky. I trusted him without him earning it. Basically he was a stranger and could’ve really hurt me. After a bit he explained to me how to properly ask Him if he would except me as His slave. He explained that once I did I would be his and my life would never be the same. I knelt in front of him, not really thinking or knowing the consequences of my actions or decisions and asked Him to accept me to be His slave.

He then wanted sex. He gave the control to me because he wanted to see if I could please him sexually. Wow. I tried but ultimately my sensuality was the opposite of what pleased him. He explained that He was a Dom and liked it rough. I felt a little devastated because I gave him everything I had. Although he was not going to release me but instead had me perform oral on him. I guess that was more to his liking. After a bit I started having second thoughts about the whole scenario that I put myself and wanted to leave. He told me that I couldn’t. We then proceeded to get into an argument and he threatened me by saying that he would tell the hotel staff that I was too drunk to drive the 2 hours home. Now, you may be wondering why I didn’t just leave then. It was because he was so convincing that maybe it wasn’t safe for me to drive and he cried even. Telling me that he just wanted to have a relationship where someone could love and serve him and that he didn’t have anyone else to care for him. Damn. My desire to be good won over and I spent the night.

The next morning the control started. Well actually it had started with the first phone conversation with him. He weaseled his way into my biggest fears. The fear of not having anyone to care for me. I didn’t have a support system in place. I was very naive and I was truly an innocent person with very little experience in worldly ways.

We proceeded with a Master/slave relationship. Every weekend he would fly down or mostly I would fly to him. For two and a half days a week I was chained and confined naked in his apartment enduring pain and boredom.

During the week I worked and afterwards stayed on the phone with him about four hours a day. Mainly, he had me quiet on the phone while he worked in the office. I had to have him on my Bluetooth every waking moment. I had to send him videos of my bathroom activities and night time rituals. He gave me assignments and kept me naked and cuffed in my own apartment during the week. I didn’t have a life except him. Although, I was allowed to go to my local gym if I had my Bluetooth on and the only time I was truly away was when I did my pool laps or when at work. Although there were texting requirements then too.

This relationship lasted 10 months. I learned a lot about myself and matured into what I needed in life. Ultimately I decided that it wasn’t goober.

I met my Master Vile about 6 weeks after the break up and have been thrilled ever since. I know I’m leaving you hanging a bit but that’s another blog. Goober did not let go easily. He threatened and ranted. Called me every name in the book. Blew up my phone with the ya and calls and emailed me explaining what a horrible person I was. Master Vile stepped in and conversed with him and goober finally let me go.

So, most of the above were not well thought out decisions. Especially thinking that just because I met a Dom didn’t mean that he needed to be my Dom. I didn’t need to obey them prior to entering into a consensual power dynamic and I certainly shouldn’t have put myself in unsafe situations. I learned and grew and have my happy ending. But again, that’s another blog.

Thanks for listening.

~arianna

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Arianna’s take on anal sex

Some things are just meant to have a commentary. I’m giving my take on my Masters blog on ‘ The Kinky World of Vile’ from his January 6th blog titled, Anal sex and submission.

So, during our negotiations my Master did ask me my thoughts on anal sex. It was a need for Him. I said that I didn’t mind it, especially if done slowly it can be downright enjoyable. I do believe that it is a very submissive act. For myself, it puts me in a loss of control head space. Meaning, that I do not control what’s going on.

My Master has needs and I am here to fulfill those. He mentioned in his blog about ATM. For those who are scratching their heads, it stands for Ass To Mouth. That’s not my favorite but I do not classify it as scat play. Some may but I don’t.

My Master has given so much of himself that my thought is, a little ass play isn’t going to do me harm and it brings him much pleasure.

So my take, lube is best and I feel spoiled if he goes slow. But ultimately this isn’t about me. It’s about His needs and wants and these were agreed to over 5 years ago.

Thank you

~arianna

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Journals

This is my own take on my Master Vile’s latest blog titled journals. His site is The Kinky World Of Vile. 

Like he stated, one day shortly after I moved in with Him, he found about 15 years of journals. They were in a box all spiral bound notebooks. There were about 7 of them. They covered my feelings during previous relationships, my ups and downs and some life events. Most of it was written during low periods of my life and included times of loneliness and despair. 

I was at work while my Master read them. I felt special when I came home and found that out. I mean, he took the time and cared enough to read about my life and to get to know me. The inner workings. The emotions that most men shrug off as a woman being irrational. 

My Master and I talked about the journals. They mainly consisted of unhappy times and for that reason he thought it best for me to get rid of them. Before we did, he gave me the opportunity to look through and take out poetry or anything else that I wasn’t quite ready to let go off. You see, one of my problems is letting the past go. Even when the past isn’t benefiting the present. He found this as an opportunity to move forward. The physical act of throwing them away would be a step towards releasing those past negative emotions. 

I didn’t keep much from them but I did scan through each page. And then out they went. It gave me peace that there was someone else who read them. I was still alive in memory through those writings in my Master’s mind. In that I felt well cared for. 

I don’t write in journals to often. When I have emotional times I communicate with Master either through our conversations or I email him. I also blog but most of the time I keep things non public and share them with my Master or sister sub. 

I think writing things out is important though and a beneficial way to express pent up emotions or conflicted feelings. 

~ arianna

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Holidays

One down, one to go. As we end the fall season and begin the last month of the year I just wanted to give a shout out to those who have been wondering where I have been. I started this blog in the hopes that I could give a different perspective to my Master Vile’s blog. But he writes, I read and although I like and absorb I don’t have a blog of my own to give a slaves perspective.

My life is good. My sister sub has been awesome. Our home is peaceful. No fighting. No arguing. It’s our safe haven. And, of course my Master Vile is phenomenal. I couldn’t ask for a more understanding person to share my life with.

So there were many things to be grateful for this past thanksgiving. I do feel blessed. My sister sub is awesome. Oh. I already said that. She decorated our tree. Looks great. She got ornaments and I got ornaments and viola beauty ensued.

It’s Masters favorite color, purple. She has an artists touch.

We’ve all been communicating on an elevated level. Every day we sit down and just talk. This is in addition to my Master talking to me every morning on my way to work. This communication really goes a long way to defer any issues before we have issues.

It’s been five years since Master and I met. We actually found some of our first correspondence emails. It was amazing to see that we really didn’t change our views after all this time. We are who we are even at the beginning.

This was our first Christmas together five years ago. Aren’t we cute. 🙂

The holidays are special because we are family. The three of us have grown together over this past year. We signed another years lease which starts in a few days.

Last year was the first Christmas that we officially shared as a family.

So here we are. Our second Christmas officially. Woohoo

Holidays are for enjoying what you have. And we have a lot of love and caring in our home. I’m so grateful. I don’t want to say I’m looking forward to the new year because each day is new. I’m not ready to not enjoy the last 30 days of 2017. Thirty days of togetherness before a new year. Why rush it?

In closing, I’d like to blog more. I’d like to share our lives. You’ll be hearing from me again.

Much love

~arianna

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